i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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