I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
