I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
