at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
