pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
