Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
