she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
