I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
