Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
