If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
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