Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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