So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize