I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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