if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
