I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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