I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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