I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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