Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
