A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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