I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
