Midget sex pt 2 tonight
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
