im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Randomize
