Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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