1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
your room smells of hookers.
And success
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
