Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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