Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
