I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
