And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
