There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
