The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
