Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
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It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
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Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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