I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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