I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
