she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
