I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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