how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
