just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
