I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
