so that wasnt chicken after all
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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