he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
