Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Drunk is not a location!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
