What a fucking waste of an outfit
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Randomize
