Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
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I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
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You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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