If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
