Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Even my vagina gasped.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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