shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
