If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
