onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize