Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
