I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
