He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
