you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Don't make out with my wife yet
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
