He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
