pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
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vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
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My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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