She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
