i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
