"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
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Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
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We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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