It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
