If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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