Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
