God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
