just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
