So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We just shotgunned beers for America
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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