From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
my sisters under your porch take her home
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
